Do I actually need therapy? A guide for men who aren't sure

Men are experts in not talking about our feelings. Well done us! We learn it from an early age, 'just get on with it'. Often influenced by our fathers, we learn the implicit or explicit message that feelings just aren't for us or that feelings shouldn't be shared.

That's why when we grow up and realise that something 'niggles' or doesn't feel quite right, it can be quite confronting and it often ends up coming out as anger.

You don't need to be falling apart

Society has traditionally told us that you've got to be Tony Soprano to go into therapy - and look what happened there! You have to be crazy or experiencing some kind of breakdown to need therapy.

But that's no longer true, if it ever was.

Do you wait for your car to break down to go to the garage or do you feel like something isn't right and want to get it checked out? Many men (myself included) probably do wait until it's broken down (!) but we know that that's not really the best thing for your car or your pocket.

Some signs that it might be worth considering

Therapy isn't for everyone. But if you've reached this point on my blog, it's probably a sign that it's soemthing you're thinking about! What other signs might there be? You're feeling overwhelmed, maybe even shouting at your loved ones. You're struggling to connect, maybe feeling a bit flat like you've lost your mojo. Maybe you look like you're coping but it's taking more and more effort to get to that point? Lots of people find that they enter cyclical patterns of relationships or feelings and that they need a way to break the cycle. It doesn't need to be caterclysmic, it can just be a nagging feeling.

What if I don't know what the problem is?

This is really common. And many people come into therapy with one presenting problem and soon locate a whole bunch of others! Therapy is about you and me figuring out what the problem(s) are together and then shining a light on them to try to understand them better and think about where they came from.

Will therapy fix me?

It's a common question, but I'd frame it differently. You're not broken and therapy isn't a silver bullet. Often understanding your patterns is the first step towards meaningful change.

Can I get a taster session?

Yes! If you're still feeling unsure, why not try my free, one-hour online consultation so that you get a sense whether it feels right for you. It's often not until you try something that you'll know whether it's right or not.

The last question

Maybe asking whether therapy is right for yoiuy isn't as important as asking whether your current situation is working for you? If you're happy enought with how you're living your life, then fair enough. But if there's still something saying that it's not quite right, then this might be something that's worth a go.